Back Home
by RoryReneeMercedees
Summary: Sean:out of the army. Emma:Soon to be divorced. Clare:Her family seems to be growing bigger- but that doesn't mean her appetite is. Eli:Has a secret. Darcy:is coming home-&bringing her normal dose of drama. Spinner: heartbroken. Jay&Manny:crazy as ever.
1. Chapter 1

Sean Cameron walked into The Dot. He hadn't been here in two years. He felt the familiar fear surge through him. The unknown, the unpredictable, the sense of loss and no one to hold, crept into his heart once again.

He longed for one thing and one thing only. He'd only ever wanted one thing but he knew it was too late. She was unattainable. Taken. Gone. The only girl he'd ever loved. The girl he'd loved since the seventh grade. He sighed; this place meant nothing to him anymore. Not without Emma. His felt his heart leap in his chest. Even the thought of her, it made excited. That feeling of adrenaline, the one that makes your heart flutter and your voice soften. The one that lets you know that you'd take a bullet for that person but he knew it was all in vain. Emma was happy. And that's how Sean liked her best.

He ordered a coffee and sat backwards on the stool, trying to find a friendly face. And that's when he saw her. The curly red-brown hair and the bright blue eyes, he recognized her even with the hair cut and the missing classes.

He had known Clare before he found out. But he didn't want to ruin her life. He'd done enough life ruining for one lifetime. But… he couldn't help the feeling that she was a part of him. That she deserved to know.

_He had gone to enlist. He needed to clean up his life. Needed to forget, that's what he needed. He wanted to make something of himself. He wanted to be someone that Emma could be proud of. Someone that Emma would marry when he returned. _

_So he thought the army would help him. It was the best he could do, given his record. So he went to enlist. Problem was he needed his birth certificate._

_He had to contact his parents, which was awkward. They weren't exactly proud of him with the new jumpsuit and all. But he told them he was enlisting and that it was going to change. But how many times had he said that? He sighed. He needed this. This time was for real. No more half-ass shit. He told them that, too. They sent it to him, because what right did they have to keep it for them. He didn't expect to hear from them ever again. It saddened him, but that's just how life is. _

_But when he got it, he didn't understand. He found the unexpected, again. The name Sid Edwards where his father's name should have been. He had sister. Two, in fact. And if he ever came back, he was going to be the best big brother to them. _

They had been friends- well, sort of. She understood and was nice. Even if she was six years younger.

"Sean? Sean Cameron?" Her voice rang out. She'd beaten him to it.

He grinned, and opened her arms which she ran into. Behind her, the guy she was with stiffened, looked Sean up and down, and sighed.

"The one and only." She laughed and dragged him over to the table where her man-friend sat.

It was awkward for a moment but then Clare introduced Eli (the boyfriend) to Sean. Clare went on to tell him about how she'd been and to subtly check if he was okay. She really reminded him of Emma, which made his heart ache.

"Clare." It was one word, her name. But there must have been something in his voice that let her know that he was serious and he needed to say what he was going to say. Was is… desperation? "I have something to show you."

"Okay…? Then show me." Her face remained calm but there was a gleam in her eyes that showed she was ready for the worse. She'd really grown up since he'd last seen her. It saddened him, to see the hardened expression, the loss of some innocence. She was his sister and somehow he felt responsible.

He pulled out his birth certificate which Clare took. She opened it, took one glance, and laughed. Not the reaction he was expecting.

"It's your birth certificate?" She was obviously confused.

"Read it. Or my parents names."

"Okay?" She began to read mumbling until she got to the one name that he'd wanted her to see. "Sid EDWARDS?"

There was an awkward pause and a sigh of relief from Eli, who Sean really didn't like for reasons he suspected were out of protectiveness for Clare. Clare looked up at Sean and down at the paper. And again. She did this three more times before she set the paper down and took a deep breath.

"You're my brother?" Her words were firm and strong. She didn't need confirmation, she only wanted it.

"Yeah. Well, half brother." He looked at her, hoping this didn't mess anything up.

"Well welcome to the family. But I warn you, it's pretty messed up." She laughed and hugged him once more. Sean sighed with relief.

"I'm pretty messed up." Sean said, his tone a little more dark then he wanted.

"No you were messed up. I hear you come home with honors, Mr. Army."

And that reminded him of Emma once more. He sighed. Everything did.


	2. Chapter 2

Clare Edwards paced back and forth around her room. So much was going on at the moment- she was having a hard time dealing. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. She felt like everything was slipping from her grasp. Her parents were getting a divorce, which was not new news but it still hurt all the same, she had just found out she had a brother which had implications of infidelity written all over it, and she had this general feeling that things were about to get a lot worse.

To top her wonderful day off, Darcy called and said she wasn't coming home when she said she was. She was staying with her new super awesome boyfriend. Hip hip hooray. Clare was just about jumping with joy. Not.

She needed to do something. She needed to control anything. She wanted something to go her way. She began to pace again. Her stomach hurt. She felt like she was going to be sick. She walked into the bathroom. She felt the vile in her stomach rising. She bent over the sink but the sickness didn't come.

She needed it to come. She thought she was going to throw up but she didn't. She needed to throw up and she didn't. She needed to because she needed to feel better. She wanted to feel better. She needed to throw up. So she made herself do it. And suddenly, she felt better. And in control.

SESESE

Emma Nelson packed her favorite things last, like she'd always done. That way, when she went to unpack, they'd be the first things she would unload. She didn't know where she was going with these boxes, but she was packed.

She sighed, thinking about her ruined relationship with Spinner. It all happened to fast. She couldn't even begin to describe her relationship with him. One thing was for sure, it was unique.

Spinner was an awesome guy. He was an amazing drummer, he was good to her and they rarely ever had fought, and he did everything in his power to keep them together. But Spinner wasn't the problem. Emma was.

She tried to stop it, the feelings she felt. How she'd look through the mail frantically, hoping that he sent her a letter. Occasionally he did, just to see how he was but ever since she got hitched, he stopped. Well, that wasn't completely true. He had sent her one letter after he'd discovered she was married. And it was the hardest thing she's ever had to read.

She closed her eyes and sighed. She didn't want to think about this. He could never come back. He could die out there fighting for… what? He seemed to have a reason. One that he couldn't explain to her. She sighed. Their relationship had been so fragile, it broke too quickly. It wasn't meant to be. She should forget it. Too bad she couldn't.

She opened a trunk, disguised as a seat and took out its contents. She doubted Spin even knew that it opened, which is why she kept Sean's letters here along with a few other things that her soon-to-be-ex-husband probably wouldn't care for.

She took out the letter, knowing it'd break her heart all over again. And she read it. Because it was so unlike Sean and so sincere. It made her cry every time but once she started it, she couldn't stop. It was addicting, just like Sean. But unlike Sean, she hadn't learned to quit it yet. It also couldn't walk away.

_Emma, _

_So you're married now, huh? That's really something. A boyfriend, I could understand but a husband? Wow. It just takes some time to process, you know? I'm going to try to keep this short because… _

_You know what? I'm just going to say it. It breaks my heart, Em. To find out you're married. Just tell me you're happy. Tell me you're happy and I'll never bother you again. I just… I love you too much. _

_Goodbye, I guess…  
Sean_

The letter didn't sound like Sean, it sounded like something Manny would have written… when she was twelve. It scared Emma to think of how she'd hurt Sean because inside, she felt the same way. Somehow Emma had managed to break three hearts with one shot: Sean's, Spinner's, and her own. And there was nothing she could do about it.

She wanted to start over. To make something of herself. To become something to be proud of. She wasn't sure who she was trying to impress but she had the sinking feeling it wasn't her mom or Snake.

SESESE

Sean Cameron sat down across the table from a boy who didn't look trustworthy. Which was unfair, because he had never looked trustworthy when he was a boy, either. But then again, he wasn't trustworthy.

But this boy had gone out of his way to get him here. He wanted to talk about Clare. He seemed to genuinely care. Sean decided to give him a break. A very small break, but still.

"Aaron, right?" Sean asked, sighing as he sat down.

"It's Eli." Eli glared a Sean, his disapproval showing plainly on his face.

That's when Sean figured it out. Eli _didn't_ approve of Sean. He called Sean here to lay down the law. Which was ridiculous because Sean was the big brother, and Eli was the boyfriend. It was supposed to be the other way around. This guy was seriously confused.

"So…" Sean stared awkwardly at the table.

"Let me get one thing straight," Eli began, his voice low and dangerous. "You hurt her and there will be hell to pay. Clare's gone through a lot. A lot that you haven't been there to help her through. She's falling apart and I don't know if she can handle this. Do you hear me? Cuz I don't think you're really listening. You're messing up Clare."

"I'm messing up Clare?" Sean could never control his anger. He never really bothered. His fists fixed a lot for him. "What about you, emo boy? Do you think you're good for her? Because I have news for her, you may love her and you may only want to protect her but girls like her, they deserve guys a lot better than us."

"I know." Eli sighed. He knew.

"But for whatever reason, she chose you. Enjoy the time you have with her. Trust me, it won't last. But me, I'm going to be there for her for a lot longer then you. You want to know why? She's my sister and for the first time, I realize she's my responsibility."

Eli looked down, trying to mask the pain that the reality of Sean's words caused.

"The truth hurts." Sean said softly. "I know."

Sean pulled out a picture of Emma and him, the one he had Snake take before he left for the war.

"You see her?" He pointed to Emma. "She's married now and not to me. I know."

Eli and Sean's eyes met, as an understanding passed through them.

**AN: So, I'm trying to portray a lot of different emotions, so let me know how I'm doing. Also, with what happened to Clare, I know it's been done before but… I've recently gone through some issues like this and it was the best way I knew how to deal with my problems. Obviously, its not a good way but… Anyways, tell me what you think. **


	3. Chapter 3

Clare sat across from Emma wondering if it was okay for her to even be here. She didn't know the rules between brother and sister about exes. But Emma had been Darcy's friend and Darcy had made Clare promise that she would check up on Emma at least once a month to see if she was eating. It wasn't something Clare could bail on. Not even if Emma had broken Sean's heart into a million pieces.

"So anything new happen with you?" Emma asked Clare.

Emma was worried. Clare hadn't been her normal bubbly self. Whenever Clare and Emma would have these meetings, Clare would be open and honest and tell Emma whatever she wanted know. Emma knew this was Clare's way of building trust between them and after the first awkward meeting, Emma actually began to enjoy these monthly lunches.

Clare was adorable, so full of life, and so much like her. But she was also different. Emma sensed a darker past then Emma had. She also sensed that her words had been stepped on way too many times for Clare to actually see the power of her voice. But her confidence had improved since her meetings with Emma had begun.

"Well… A lot." Clare sighed. "Can we talk about you before we get into my problems?"

Emma looked at Clare, who was visibly upset. She had barely touched a bite of her food, which was unusual for Clare. Emma felt her stomach lurch. Clare had a tendency of eating when she was upset, not the other way around. This was bad.

It would be rash to assume that Clare had an eating disorder, Emma told herself. Just because she herself had that issue, didn't mean that Clare would go there. Clare was just upset. And Emma was going to do whatever she could to make sure that Clare didn't go there.

"Are you sure?" Clare nodded, so Emma continued. They were going to talk but Emma would go first. A sign of trust. "Me and Spin aren't working out. I went to go see a lawyer."

"A divorce lawyer?" Clare said, with a gleam in her eyes. "Are you sure that you want to take it that far? I mean, there's marriage counselors and therapists that can help you. It's not too late. You could-"

"Clare. Calm down. It's too late for that. Ah, spare me the lecture. Let me explain first. Spin and I didn't fight. Ever. Don't look at me like that, Clare. He was wonderful to me. I wish there was a Spinner for every girl out there but at the same time, I don't. Spin wasn't the problem. It was me. I figured something out. You can't force yourself to love something, even if it is good for you. You can't control who you love. It sucks and I wish I could change it, but I can't."

Emma paused to take a breath. She hoped the explanation could stop there, but Clare's face showed confusion. She didn't know who Emma was talking about. Emma sighed.

"He was a bad boy. He was crazy and passionate. He was my first boyfriend. And my second boyfriend… And my forth. Well, you get the idea. We dated a few times, at many different stages in our lives. He was my most serious boyfriend. We were finally in a good place, with a future, when he decided to enlist."

If Emma saw Clare's face pale, she didn't say anything but it's doubtful that she did, for when she started talking about Sean she didn't stop for much of anything.

"There was drama, including a possible mini Emma and Sean but that passed, but he still decided to go. We were still together but I told him we should wait to decide anything about our future. I was scared. He could die fighting. Yeah, he'd get schooling and a job and money but… Was it worth his life? I hated not knowing what could happen to him. I hated thinking about him every day and wondering when I'd ever see him again. I hate all the implications that war had built into it. I hated him for leaving. That's when I met Damien. Well, I'd met Damien before. But that's when I realized there were other guys interested in me. And not all of them would run away to the army. So all I had to do was chose one of them. And I did. Damien was against fighting, just like me. I was lucky I didn't scare him away, though. I kind of thought that he'd just replace Sean. That he'd be exactly like him. He wasn't. He ended up cheating on me. Which is kind of funny, in an ironic kind of way, because I cheated on Sean with Damien. I mean, it was nothing too bad, just one kiss but…"

She stopped and took a deep breath. She had no idea it would feel this good to get her feelings out but it did. She had rambled a little and vented a lot and now she felt so much calmer about the situation. She felt like she'd have a friend who understood and who could laugh with her and make her smile. It was something more then she'd had in awhile, since Manny was in California.

When she looked up, she was surprised to see Clare staring, mouth hanging open.

"What? Is there something on my chin or-"

"No. It's just, you have no idea how ironic life is."

It was Emma's turn to stare. "Fill me in on the details?"

"I've recently discovered that I have a brother. A half-brother, actually. He found out when he went to enlist for the army. It's amazing, really. He's got these deep blue eyes, and he's rather built. He's just come back from his two-year contract and he's actually rather excited about his newfound freedom. What's really interesting, though, is I'm pretty sure he's not over an old flame. What was her name? Amma? No, that's not right. Hmmm…" The teasing continued.

When Clare got up to leave, she put done the money needed to pay for her half of the meal and hugged Emma goodbye. She promised Emma that she'd get to met Eli soon and Clare once more teased Emma about Sean.

It wasn't until Clare was gone however, that Emma noticed Clare had only taken three bites of her meal.

SESESE

"Sean Cameron. Back from the dead?" Jay asked, trying to hide his grin.

They were at the garage. As Jay put it, they were catching up on old times. Sean was pretty sure that this time there were no implications of any sort hanging to those words.

They talked for awhile before Jay asked a question that surprised Sean. "You've seen Emma yet?"

"No." Sean's voice was hard, his face a mask, and his eyes hidden.

"Why is it again that you don't want to see or talk to her? I forgot." Jay laughed.

Sean was mad. How could his best friend bring this up? How could he be so cruel as to want to see Sean's heart break all over again? Jay knew, just as much as Sean himself did, how much Emma meant to him and how he had enlisted for her. He knew just about everything about Emma and Sean's relationship. He knew how broken Sean was when Emma had broken up with him. So why the hell was he making Sean say that Emma was married?

"She's married, dumbass. Or did you forget?" Sean said through gritted teeth.

"Not for much longer."

Jay walked out, leaving the words to sink into Sean.

SESESE

"Clare, you haven't eaten a bite of your food."

"Sorry mom. I'm sure it's delicious. I ate with Emma, though." Clare said, not daring to look at her mother.

"Clare, is there something you want to tell me? Something happening with… oh dear, what's his name? It starts with an E doesn't it, honey?"

"It's Eli and everything is fine between us. Though I'm not sure that's quite what you wanted to hear. It's just Emma's going through a divorce and I'm a little worried about her. She doesn't really have a place to go right now. I may have, sort of, invited her to come live with us until she got back on her feet?" The last sentence came out more of a question then a statement.

"Clare!" Clare looked at her mother with a pleading look, a look that she had been giving her mother a lot lately. She had that same look when she asked if her parents were getting a divorce. She'd had that look when she asked if she could still live in the house. Clare had been disappointed so much by her mother lately, she just couldn't say no.

"Fine. But she stays in your room."

SESESE

"Does my dad know? That he's your father, I mean." Clare looked at the sky.

Sean and Clare were currently sitting on the hood of Sean's car, gazing at the stars as they talked about anything and everything.

"Does he even know you're here?" Sean was avoiding the question and they both knew it.

"No." Clare said. She had snuck out of her window, leaving Emma to cover for her. "But I think he should know. About you, I mean. Not the sneaking out. That part would be better left out, I think."

Sean jumped up and turned to face Clare. He stared at her for a moment, as if trying to figure out exactly what she was trying to do. He just didn't understand. One minute she was this, the next she was that. Why did it matter if Sean's father knew? He didn't have much faith in parents. The only ones he had known growing up had kicked him out when he was twelve.

"I thought we talked about you coming to live with me because things were so messed up at home? Why the sudden need for a meet the father meeting?"

"Maybe if they knew you, if they saw how good we work together, they'd be okay with everything. If dad saw how much both our lives would improve if you took care of me then maybe they would understand why I need to leave." There were tears in Clare's eyes and he could see her visibly breaking inside.

Sean sighed and stared at Clare. He was scared for her. But he was also scared for himself. Clare was his responsibility now. He would die for her. But could he handle taking care of a teenage girl?

Was he ready to take Clare in? Even he didn't know.

SESESE

Sean sat at a table in the dot. He stared at the empty seat across from him. It wouldn't be empty for long. The problem? He was afraid what would happen if he saw its future occupant.

Emma walked through the door and sat in the empty seat across for her ex-boyfriend, Sean Cameron. Even though what she was here for had nothing to do with her relationship with Sean, she couldn't help but notice how good he looked. He hadn't changed much. His hair was shorter, his eyes were bluer than she'd remembered them, and his face was unshaven but other than that, he still looked like the same Sean.

Emma sighed. This wasn't going to be easy. She had no idea how Sean was going to handle the news that she was about to tell him. Was she even allowed to tell him this? She had no idea, but something had to be done before Clare got any worse.

"You wanted to talk to me?" Sean said tentatively, breaking the silence that had consumed them as Emma got lost in her own thoughts.

"Yeah. How are you?" She looked into his eyes, forgetting in the moment what she'd come here to do.

"I'm doing okay. I've got a new baby sister. She's one of the best things to ever happen to me, you know? I have a reason to open that shop. I have a responsibility. She cares, too. I have no idea why, but she loves hanging out with me just as much as I do. She asks me about my day and actually listens to what I have to say. Somehow, she's become my best friend."

Emma knew this was going to be harder than she imagined. Sean looked happy. Happier then she'd expected. He really loved Clare. He was going to be heartbroken.

And it might just break her own heart, too.

"But you didn't call me here for that." Sean said, looking into her eyes, searching for anything.

"No. I didn't. I'm worried about Clare. I think she may have a problem."

**AN: So lot's of Clare. But she's bringing Emma and Sean together. You'll all see. Hehe, do I have a lot planned for this couple. And their new responsibility: Clare. **


	4. Chapter 4

_This is what I thought, I thought you'd need me.  
This is what I thought, so think me naive  
I'd promised you a heart, you'd promise to keep.  
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep._

_-Prelude 12/21, A.F.I. _

Emma sat across from Spinner her eyes sparkling with tears and her face down, hiding. She didn't want it to end this way, with so much bitterness and hate. Spinner thought she hated him, which wasn't true. She just couldn't love him, not like that. It wasn't fair, really, how life works out.

The person she wanted to love and loved her back would never be the man she loved. But the man she never wanted to fall in love with in the first place; the man she'd never have, would always hold her heart.

It wasn't fair.

"Spin. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I wish I could make things better. You have no idea how much I wish I could love you. I've tried so hard. But Spin, I can't forget him." Emma looked at Spin, hoping he'd understand.

She needed him to understand.

"He's back in town." His voice was quiet, the one he uses when he's hurt. When he's given up. He knows he's lost.

"Yes. But I made this decision before I knew he was coming back. I didn't want to hurt you."

Emma's looked at him with eyes so hopeful, so begging for forgiveness, that he sincerely wanted to make her happy. That's all Spinner ever wanted, really. From the moment she'd walked in the dot looking for a job, he knew she was broken. And he wanted nothing more than to fix her. He did it, too. He stitched up every last wound. He even went as far as to give up meat, an idea of his that he now thoroughly regretted. But that's what it was like with Emma. She let herself fall to pieces. Then someone would come pick her up. They always did because it was too damn impossible to watch Emma struggle, to say no to her. She'd be forever grateful to the man (yes, it was always a man, her… er… charm didn't have the same effect it did on men as it did women) and she'd love him. Just not in the way they loved her.

She didn't mean to do it; Spinner knew that much. But it didn't take away the pain. It didn't take away the fact that no matter how much she hadn't meant to harm him, how much she truly wanted to love him, she was still breaking his heart.

And Spinner had enough of heart break.

"Well you did. Go home; pack the rest of your boxes. I'll help you take them to wherever it is you're staying. If you need anything from the house or you forget something, call me. Otherwise, I think we need some space."

He looked at her. Really looked at her for the first time in a long while. She was broken, anyone could tell. He had healed the wounds, but the scars would always be there. He couldn't take those away. And she wasn't ready to move on.

"I'm staying at Clare's." She looked at Spinner's blank stare. "Darcy's little sister."

He nods his head. "Isn't she Sean's little sister, too?" When he sees the confused look Emma gives him, he elaborates. It's sick and twisted but this may be the last conversation with Emma in awhile, he wants to make it last. "Jay told me."

"Yeah. She is. But we've been having lunch once or twice every month since I got back here. She's just recently discovered that Sean's her brother. She's trying to balance out the two roles."

"She's Darcy's sister, right?" Emma nodded. "Then she'll do just fine."

And that was Emma and Spinners last conversation together as husband and wife.

SESESE

"So you and Mr. Cameron, eh?" Manny's voice rang out innocently. Too innocently, if you were to ask Emma.

"Before you get your hopes up, he hates me right now." Emma sighed; this was not something she wanted to relive. She's broken up with Sean so many times, she should be used to the cruel words and the harsh fights but somehow, after all these years, it still hurts just as badly, if not worse than it did when they had their first real fight back in, what, ninth grade.

"What happened, babes?"

Manny's voice was reassuring. She was ready to be there. Manny was used to this, the constant fighting between Emma and Sean, it's how they were. There was no changing it. Sean and Emma where so different, yet so alike, that it was really something that they had fallen so deeply in love with each other. They were each other's opposites but yet each other's mirror. They acted the same in relationships, both pushing away the people they loved most. They both stood up for what they believed in, no matter what the cost. They both had horrifying pastes, though Sean's out weighted Emma's by a long shot. They both wanted to make something of themselves and they both thought they were never enough. But Emma was a perfectionist, where Sean gave in way too quickly for his own good. Sean solved problems with his fists, Emma with her mouth. Sean ran away from her problems, Emma dived head first into them. Emma was a bit sadistic because when the going got rough the Emma stopped eating, Sean just got going.

Needless to say, they were a pretty messed up couple. But they loved each other. They loved each other so much that it physically hurt Manny to watch. It really wasn't fair, the relationship they had. There were so many outside forces controlling their already unlikely chances of being together.

She was ready to be there for Emma and Manny knew that Jay was preparing for the day that Sean "hated" Emma again. It's how this messed up friendship worked. They were friends face to face (most of the time). They smiled, laughed, and joked. Sometimes they even dated (Manny and Sean where the only couple that hadn't been tried, in fact). Sometimes it worked out (Manny and Jay) and sometimes it didn't (Jay and Emma, Sean and Emma).

"It's just, Clare has a problem. I think she may be anorexic. I met with Sean at the dot, to talk about it. I mean, they've really hit it off. He's her big brother, you know? I thought that he'd be able to help. That he'd be willing to help. But he's denying the problem."

Manny closed her eyes and counted to three. There was no easy way to say what Manny knew she had to say. She took one last deep breath before proceeding cautiously to sit on the table in front of Emma.

"Are you sure? That Clare's anorexic, I mean. I know you and Clare are really similar and I know you are concerned because you care about her but what if you're reading too much into this. How long has this been going on? Have you actually seen any proof of her problem?"

"A couple of days. Actually, it's almost been a week, now. And I know Manny. If you don't remember, I went through the same thing. I know the signs. She tells lies so easily. It's only day seven for Clare and she can already lie through her teeth. 'I'm eating with Emma, mom. Don't worry.' 'I ate with my mom, Em. It really does look good though.' If we do actually managed to see her eat a bit of her food, she goes to the bathroom as soon as she's done. She stays there for about ten minutes and comes back with minty breath, paler skin, and a reassured look. Look, I know that I worry too much and I know that it's unfair of me to assume that she has the same problems as I've had but the girl is hurting, a lot more then she lets on. And she wants control. This is her idea of control."

"You're sure?" Manny asked this not for clarification but because she wanted to hear the answer she knew she didn't want to hear.

She knew Clare had the problem. She knew the signs just as well as Emma did. Clare was anorexic.

It was time to make a phone call.

SESESE

Manny picked up the phone. Then set it down. She picked it up again.

"AHH!" Manny let out a frustrated scream. It made her feel better but it hadn't solved her problems.

Jay walked in. Manny was currently staying with Jay (her fiancé). She had taken a break from California and decided to come home for awhile. Staying with Jay was a nice little perk of that decision.

"Hey, boo."

He captured her lips in a mind blowing kiss that always left Manny wanting more. She drew away from him to take a breath. For a moment they stood, staring into each other's eyes. Manny loved it when Jay was like this. He was loving, sweet, and understanding. When she had known Jay in school, she would have never guessed that he could ever be this… loving.

"Something's bothering you." It wasn't a question. It was a statement. Because when Manny was upset, Jay knew. "You're mind melding with the phone. That's never good."

"You know Sean's sister, Clare?" Manny asked her voice breaking.

She'd known Darcy well. They'd been friends. Some would even say really good friends. Manny knew she would. She'd been over at Darcy's house quite a lot. She'd had a lot of family dinners with the Edwards. She had talked to Clare before. She was a bright girl, beautiful, and sweet.

And now she was killing herself.

Manny hated how life was. What turned sweet Clare to this? What had happened to her? What was so bad that she decided to stop eating? Who could break such a wonderful person?

Life wasn't fair.

"Yeah, boo. She's cool. Sean really loves her, too."

"Do you ever see her eat anything?"

The question hung in the air and as Jay stared back at Manny, she once again knew the answer.

"I'm calling Darcy." Manny declared. "I think it's time she comes home."

SESESE

"Hey." Eli ran up to Clare, kissing her softly on the lips.

"I don't want to go." Clare whined.

"Go… where?" Eli asked, his brow furrowing in confusion.

"School. Let's go somewhere more exciting."

Eli followed her back to his hearse and got in. He followed her directions. But his heart turned cold. Something wasn't right with Clare. Clare never did this. Not unless she was upset. What was wrong with Clare?

SESESE

"Darce?" Manny voice rang through the phone.

"Manny! Oh my gosh, is that you?" Darcy was excited, really excited.

Darcy had a regular correspondence with her sister, through texting and she talked to all of her friends from back home. Through email and text. It just wasn't the same. Darcy knew she should be worried if Clare called her but Manny was probably just calling because wanted. And Darcy really wanted to talk.

"Yeah, babes. It's me."

The talked for awhile. Manny told Darcy all about Jay and their relationship. At first, Darcy disapproved, knowing Jay's past. But Darcy sensed that Manny was happy. And Darcy wanted Manny to be happy. So yes, Jay was an ass. But Darcy could deal with it. As long as he was good to Manny.

"I should go. This conversation is going to cost a fortune. My parents will kill me." Darcy said. They had been talking on the phone for over an hour.

Long distance sucked.

"Wait. The reason I called you, wasn't just to catch up. I'm worried about Clare, Darce."

"Worried, why? She's a saint. She'll be fine." Darcy's voice was cool.

"Emma thinks she's anorexic." Manny said, her voice hard. How could she be so cold? "I think that's just a little less than fine. Don't you?"

And just like that, Darcy knew she had a plane to catch.

SESESE

"Hey man." Jay's voice rang out.

"Hey Jay."

Sean was currently under a car, fixing the breaks for a whiney client who should really avoid tight clothing.

Sean Cameron was pissed off. Anyone could tell. And Jay knew that when Sean was pissed, you better tread your water carefully. Jay didn't want a fight but Clare wasn't eating. It wasn't something Jay would have noticed on his own. It wasn't that he wasn't observant; he just wasn't looking for the signs. But now that Emma and Manny thought that she wasn't eating, it all made sense. Jay didn't want to piss off his friend but he also didn't want to see Clare die from starvation.

Sean on the other hand, was very mad. At this exact moment, he was currently using every foul word he could to insult Emma Nelson. How could she do this to him? When she asked him to meet him at the dot, he thought that she might want him back. Or at very least, apologize for the awful break up they had. But instead, she tells him outright lies. Clare can't be anorexic. Sean has seen her eat before. There's was that time… no she had eaten with her mom that day. Last Tuesday she went to that roadhouse with him… And the server was really disgruntled because she's barely touched her food… But she said she'd eaten with Emma. Clare wasn't anorexic. Was she?

"I talked to Manny."

"Yeah, how'd that go?" Sean asked. But they both know he didn't really care.

"She's worried about Clare. Greenpeace and Manny think there's a problem. I'm starting to agree with them. We've hung with Clare multiple times this week and never once have I seen her eat and most of the time we met at the Dot or the roadhouse."

"Go to hell, Jay." Sean's said quietly.

"Come on, man. Maybe you should just talk to her. Maybe she's not anor-"

"Don't say it." Sean warned his voice raising.

"Sean. At least, keep a look out for it. If she's anorexic then she's going to lie, say she doesn't have a problem. Maybe she's not anorexic."

"She's not. And I said not to say that word."

"Anorexic."

"Go to hell. Go straight to hell."

"Right back at you."

SESESE

"My parents wanted you to come eat with us." Eli said. It was his way of asking, Clare knew. He didn't like looking clingy.

"I'd love to." Clare said, smiling.

But inside, she was dying. How was she supposed to eat all that food? The smell of food made her sick to her stomach. The sight made her want to barf. Actually eating it did. It didn't matter that she was the one making herself throw up. The shit was bad for her, Clare decided. She didn't like it. She wasn't going to eat it.

But if she didn't eat it, it might offend Eli's parents. And Eli's parents like Clare, a lot. She liked being liked. She loved how they were always so understanding and cool about everything. She liked how they were complete opposites from her parents and how they were always willing to support their son in whatever he did. Clare didn't want to ruin the adoring smiles she got from them every time they saw her.

So she'd have to eat the food. And then she'd go to the bathroom. She'd have to bring along mints… and possibly a toothbrush. What if Eli kissed her afterward? Then he'd find out and Clare didn't think he'd understand.

SESESE

Sean was pissed off. He hadn't been this mad in awhile. He wanted to punch something. He wanted to run and never stop. He wanted to prove them wrong.

But inside he knew. He just couldn't admit it.

Which is why he decided he was going to see Clare tonight. He was going to make sure that she was eating.

He just feared what he was going to find.

**AN: So this chapter is more of a filler chapter. Well not really filler, but… it's going to lead into some very dramatic story plots in the next chapters. Who's read for some high class, degrassi style drama? **


	5. Chapter 5

"Hello?" Mrs. Edwards asked, answering the phone.

"Hey, um… Is Clare there?" Sean asked, uncomfortable. He wasn't used to the parents quite yet and he was fairly certain that Clare's didn't approve of him.

"No, she went out to dinner with… what's his name… well, whatever it is and his parents. I'll leave a message if you want."

It made Sean a little mad that Mrs. Edwards didn't bother to remember her daughter's boyfriend's name. He wasn't sure why, but he liked the guy probably more then he should. But it was more than that, if she didn't bother to remember Eli's name, then she sure as hell didn't know his. And Sean was Clare's brother, for God's sake!

"Uh… This is Brain. Clare and I have math together. She left her English book in class and I just wanted to return it to her. Do you know where she went?" Sean said, trying to make his voice sound younger.

He wasn't sure why he lied, he just did. He really didn't want to deal with this Clare's crazy moment and for whatever reason this seemed like the easiest way out of dealing with. It was stupid, really, but if it worked than Sean was pretty sure he wouldn't care.

"Brain, you say? Huh. Interesting, I'll have to make sure I ask Clare about you later… Anyways, she's at the Roadhouse."

"Thanks." Sean said, trying to sound enthusiastic, he'd have to remember to tell Clare that he pretended to be Brain.

"I hope to see you soon!" Mrs. Edwards chirped.

"Yeah…" Sean said before quickly hanging up the phone.

Sean left for the Roadhouse, fearing what he'd find.

SESESE

Emma was tried to get over Sean. But she couldn't. It really wasn't fair. She was trying to help Clare, he had to understand.

She closed her eyes, trying to forget the fight she and Clare had three hours before.

"_I know what it's like, Clare. It's hard, you feel like this is the only way. It's not. Let me help you." Emma pleaded. _

"_I don't know what you're talking about." Clare's voice was strong. "I'm not like you." _

_The words had their impact. It was cruel, harsh and desperate. Emma knew those words were meant to hurt her. She knew that Clare was doing everything to keep her secret. She had done it too. Emma knew what was going on. She hated to admit it but Clare might be better the game then she was. She'd fooled more people. _

"_Darcy's coming back. Sean's worried sick. Jay and Manny are trying to figure out a game plane. Eli called me, wants to know what's going on. He read this book. It's called signs of an anorexic. He found it very helpful. You're mom's making dinner. She's going to make sure you eat. Your dad's coming, too. Alli's coming too. And me. I'm not leaving either. We are all here for you." _

"_I'm not like you. I'm not one of you." _

"_Clare. You're not making any sense." _

_Clare didn't care, though. She was past that. She didn't have a problem and she hated everyone for insisting that she did. It wasn't like Emma. She didn't eat because it hurt her stomach. She didn't eat because her body didn't want the food. She couldn't eat it. She wasn't hungry. She didn't want it. Nobody could possibly understand what she was going though. _

_It wasn't because she wanted to look better or that she thought she was disgusting… Well not all of it. She could live with herself. She had never been the pretty one and she had long since accepted it. _

"_You never make sense, Emma. Tell me, why do you break up with someone you "love"? He's out fighting for you in the only way he knows how and you're shacking up with some cheating jerk. He's still fighting but he doesn't have you to fight for. Did you ever think of what that could do to him? Did you ever wonder how easy it would be for him to let go out there? He could have died. He could have given up and simply taken a shot. And you would have cried at his funeral. You would have said how sorry you were and told everyone how much you loved him. Well I think its bull shit. You want to know why?" Clare paused. She wanted Emma to respond. She wanted Emma to know. _

"_Clare. Stop. You're trying to hurt me. Why?" _

"_Because the truth hurts. Doesn't it? You want to know why I don't think you love Sean? You can forget. Every day you live without him. It's easy for you. Everything that's Sean has said, everything that he has done it's all been for you or because of you. And you don't give a shit. Sure, when he's around you bat your pretty little lashes and cry how much you missed him. But when he's gone you can forget. You can laugh. You've manipulated him once again. Is it a laugh? Is my brother a joke to you? You have to have some reason for why you treat my brother this way." _

_Clare paused again. _

"_Em, you don't realize what you do to him. You never will. He won't tell you either because he's scared or embarrassed, I don't know. But I can tell you. Do you love him or not?"_

"_Clare, I've never stopped." _

_There was a pause. Clare closed her eyes and counted to five. She had no idea what to say next because she'd already knew the answer, she'd just been trying to hurt Emma in any way possible. She just didn't want Emma to take away the one thing she had. It was hers, not anyone else's. _

"_I know."_

Emma couldn't make sense of it.

SESESE

"This is delicious." Clare said, taking another bite of her burger.

She hadn't eaten in three days, and this felt amazing. It had been hard to take the first bite and even harder to take the second but by the third she was digging in, she hadn't realized she was this hungry. Her stomach growled in gratitude, thankfully accepting what had been denied for days.

That's when Clare knew she had to start eating again.

"I'm glad you like it." CeeCee said, her face glowing.

That's when Sean appeared. And all hell was about to break lose.

AN: Cliffy. Sorry it's so short… I'm tired…


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Its been awhile, I know. I apologize.

SESESE

"We need to talk." Sean demanded.

"About what?" Clare asked, in between bites.

Sean stared at his sister. She looked… hungry. But she was definitely eating, so that was always a good sign. He was glad to see it, but he was also confused as to why this all happened. He was quite sure he understood.

He hadn't been around when Emma had been anorexic. He knew he'd been part of the problem; he had walked away without any real explanation. He had abandoned Emma… and Ellie. See even when he and Emma weren't talking, they had this unspoken agreement. They were always there for each other. No matter what. They had known each other since they were kids- seventh grade, actually. And even if they couldn't work out, their friendship would always be there.

But, with Clare, he barely knew what to say. Sure, they had gotten close in the time they had spent together and he loved her, but he didn't know how to handle this situation, not like he knew how to handle Emma. He always knew how to treat Emma and he always knew the right thing to say but he could barely keep up with Clare. He didn't know her moods; he certainly didn't know how to handle her when she broke down. It didn't come naturally to him, being a big brother and that scared him.

He needed to make a snap decision. How should he approach this situation? He wasn't quite sure what the protocol for handling your anorexic sister went but he was pretty positive that you weren't supposed to yell and that you were supposed to be supportive and make sure that they knew that you knew that this was a serious issue and that you were only trying to help. You weren't supposed to make them feel trapped, he had picked that much up from Emma and you certainly weren't supposed to force them to eat (no matter how much you wanted to).

Other than that, he was screwed.

But the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he knew no matter what happened he would stand by Clare. For once in his life, he knew that he had a person that he would always put in front of himself. She was his responsibility and he needed to step up and be a man. And for Clare, he would.

"You have a problem, Clare." Sean said slowly, trying to remain as cautious as possible and not break through any barriers he shouldn't.

"I do?" Clare laughed. "Huh, I missed the memo. Care to fill me in?"

"You haven't been eating right, Bear."

Bear was his nickname for Clare. It was a name that only he was allowed to call her and one that was used in the most casual and important moments.

"I know." Clare said. "I should really lay off the red meat. It's pretty unhealthy." She laughed again.

He was starting to wonder if he was wrong.

Eli, who had been watching this change with rapid curiosity, began to sense that Sean was backing down. He knew that Sean was uneasy about the whole ordeal and that Sean wanted nothing more than for this to all go away. But Eli knew that he always wanted to help Clare and that he really did care.

"Clare, it's okay." Eli spoke softly. "We know."

"You know…?"

"Could you imagine what you'd put us through if you passed out? Or if something worse happened? We've been worried sick, Bear. It's time for you to come clean. Just talk to us about it. You could get help and we could make sure this never happens again." Sean said, gaining momentum from Eli's support.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Clare said forcefully.

"You haven't been eating." Eli announced.

"I've noticed, Emma's noticed, Sean's noticed, and even your parents. We want to help you."

"Help me what?" Clare demanded.

For the first time Clare realized something. She wasn't going to stop this crazy diet she was on. Yes, she had to eat. She understood that now. She couldn't completely deny her body of all food. She had to drink lots of fluids and eat every three days. She didn't want to pass out- it'd draw too much attention to herself. She just wanted to have enough control over her diet to help her.

Control. She sounded the word out in her head. Control. It sounded foreign to her, even in her own head. Control. Yes, that sounded nice. She realized she had never had control over her own life. Control. But now she was going to. She had a weapon that no one could take from her. Control.

She enjoyed this knowledge. That, for once, she had power over something she did.

Control.

Ah, what a lovely word.

"Eat again." Sean said as if it was obvious.

"I have been eating. See." Clare pointed to her hamburger that was almost completely gone.

"But how long is that hamburger going to stay in your system?" Eli demanded.

Clare threw a nasty glare.

"Excuse me?" She said hysterically. "First you accuse me of being anorexic and now you accuse me of being bulimic? You have got to be kidding me."

"Can you blame him, Bear?" Sean asked timidly.

"Don't you dare call me Bear. You come in here, insult me, and then proceed to call me pet names. It doesn't work that way. You're either on my side, or you're not."

She waited for a reply.

Silence.

"Fine. You're not." Clare sighed, tears filling her eyes. "I thought you'd understand; you're my brother, after all."

She made a bee-line for the exit.

"Clare!" Sean called desperately.

Eli followed her, leaving Sean in a hopelessly lost position.

"We're just trying to help."

"Well, don't."

"So you admit it, you're not eating?"

"Don't take this from me! Please." Clare begged.

"Take this from you? What am I taking?"

"My sanity." Clare whispered. "It's the only thing that keeps me going."

"Clare, it's not healthy."

"Please."

"Clare we're going to get you help. I promise."

"No." She turned to leave. Eli reached for her arm. "Get off of me. Don't text, don't call, don't do anything. We are over."

"Clare, c'mon." Eli tried to reason.

"I don't ever want to see you again."

Clare stormed out of the restaurant, leaving Eli alone.


End file.
